Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize