1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When are your genitals available?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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