What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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