I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...