At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.