It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
