So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Fuck appropriateness.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize