ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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