Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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