i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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