Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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