I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
