Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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