You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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