I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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