everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
