Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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