im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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