Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
