so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
