make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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