Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
