My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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