Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
