Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
