i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
