Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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