The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
