we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
soo... how was my night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
