Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
