So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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