Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
