i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
