After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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