Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
