dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
