I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
