why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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