she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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