Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
