he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
