another moral hangover. fuck.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
