It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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