someone threw a dead crab at me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
