We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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