So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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