you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is it because I queefed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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