WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
