he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
