2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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