It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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