Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
