the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
