Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I would ride that face into the sunset
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
