Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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