She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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