I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
