Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
