OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
