Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
