I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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