So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
