is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
