I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
