I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
