who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
