Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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