This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
