Pappa wants mamma naked
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
