Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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