If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
