I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
