Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
