just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
