I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
