My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
