finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
