Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
