I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
