I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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