If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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