Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
