Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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