he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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