you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
