counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
