I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
