Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
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Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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