hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
